When I first began my journey of self-discovery in 2008 I had no idea what I would find; all I knew was that life needed to change and it needed to happen fast. My life sucked, really sucked, but even as bad as it was it was about to get even worse. 3½ years into my journey I hit rock bottom; incredible as I never imagined I could go even lower yet I was proven wrong. How was it possible that while working on self my situation could get worse? Why did my journey not prevent me from falling so hard? Have you ever found yourself trying to climb out of a hole only to dig yourself deeper? I hit rock bottom on October 2011 and I will admit this was the most terrifying time of my life. I contemplated death; I was afraid, ashamed and broken. Do you know how it feels to have no solution in sight? All I saw was darkness; I could not imagine the turn my life would take for the better. Hitting rock bottom was part of my journey…..it was something I had to experience in order to break free from the old me. You see I was on a journey to improve who I was yet my mind was still trapped in my old thinking, in my old beliefs and in my old ways.
You might think that my life became amazing, well it didn’t. However the tools I gained during the most difficult time of my life would serve me in the journey to a better me I was about to embark. GOD extended his hand and even though my faith was weak, I reached out and held on. GOD gave me opportunity to start over and even though I was afraid and insecure, I understood that in HIM better was possible. Have you ever wondered why some seem so much stronger than you? Have you ever thought you could never be as strong as they are? Before hitting rock bottom I was plagued with fears and insecurity, yet facing what felt to be a bottomless pit gave me strength far more than I could ever imagine possible. I no longer needed to have all the answers; I just needed to focus on my new journey. I no longer needed to know how; I just needed to focus on the why. I no longer needed to please others; I just needed to focus on being the best version of me.
Strength came from choosing to move forward despite all the chaos around me. Today as I share this with you I can truly say that I still feel fear, I still have uncertainty and I still wonder if I can do more……but those thoughts are just that, thoughts. These have no power over me because today I am focused on what I want and need. How do you know you can’t do more if you don’t give it a try? How many times do you need to try before you give up? How can you know how close you were if you give up? In order to get better we must be willing to change, to learn, to grow. In order to get stronger we must be willing to face our fears and uncertainty. In order for us to discover our full potential we must be willing to push ourselves further than we have ever gone.
My life has changed so much from when I hit rock bottom, it has changed so much from when I published “Life According to Me” and it continues to change. These are exciting times in my life and to be honest I don’t know how much more it will change but I can tell you I look forward to who I will become.