Ok, so I didn't really lose my mind but some probably thought I did. In my opinion my mind was fully alert, I had clarity and I was certain about one thing and that was I was going to create change. I had no idea of what was going to happen next but I was on a mission and I was letting my inner voice speak up and I was allowing the Eileen from within to take control. After all, she seemed to know what she was doing and I not so much, so I chose to let her lead. She told me that I was heading in the wrong direction, so much so, that she was nagging at me constantly. "You're too comfortable, you know you don't like this....do something", she was relentless. Yet as a single mom, with so much responsibility on my shoulders I knew I had to change some things but I was taking it slow. Oh, Eileen did not like that, she knew that the wait was taking a toll on me and she knew it was dimming my light; she was right. Of course she was, after all she is the real me. Well, I let her take charge and can you believe she had me resign at my job? Yeah, I had no replacement job, I am not set for life and I had no back up plan...but she made me see that I was in a dead end job with nowhere to go and not only did I know it, it was breaking my spirit. She was not going to have that; she couldn't because fulfilling my purpose depends on my ability to stay focused and alert on what matters the most,
Don't worry, I am not expecting or suggesting you dump your job or anything like that, so please keep reading. But in my life this was the right decision! The decision was made on a Sunday; the following morning with a smile on my face I handed in my resignation. My boss was not surprised as I had been very candid about my feelings regarding my job. I then briefly met with my team and informed them of my decision. How did I feel after this? I felt FREE. In fact, I felt free from the moment Eileen took over and typed the resignation.
Almost immediately things began to fall in place.....opportunities began to come my way and I had and have the opportunity to simply review each one to see what it is I want in life. My mind is clear and I already know what I don't want and what I am not willing to tolerate, so now I am doing my homework to find what feels right for me and my daughter. I seek an opportunity that will help me in my journey, that will allow me to pursue the goals that matter, my purpose. Will this transition be easy? No, I don't expect it to be. However working in a place that was sucking my joy and leaving me stressed was not easy either. Coming home, sitting on the couch feeling exhausted with no energy was not my idea of living the life I knew I deserved. But Eileen, don't you think you should have waited to have another job? Maybe! But I had wanted to change jobs for a while, yet the money was good and it was paying my bills so even though I knew I needed better, the urgency was not there. So if I wanted better I needed to do something drastic......yes, I created CHAOS. The day I lost my mind, I chose to create chaos, I simply said, "The Hell with It" and without a plan I quit my job. By creating chaos, I gave life to urgency and it forced me to get clear on what I wanted and what I would be willing to do to reach my goals. I had to get uncomfortable in order to pursue that which I want in life. Yes....I know to some this is insane, yet to me, this was me reclaiming my life. It is important to me that I walk in faith......it is important that I push myself past my fears and it is important for me to stay true to the person I strive to be. What have I learned from this experience? I learned that when you create change life is forced to change. Every action has a reaction and life has to react in order to keep up. Every step you take sets you on a path; every choice you make opens or closes a door. Every word you speak or belief you choose to own creates the actions you will take. Life works fast and it does to create that which you declare into your life. Therefore if I want to see my life change, I have to be willing to change it. How quickly will it change? Well that depends on me. It depends on my willingness to explore, in my faith in my potential and in the clarity of my vision. Why do I feel it necessary to share this with you? Simple, many of you know very well the feeling of being trapped in a dead end job. You know how it feels to give your best and be taken for granted. You know the feeling of sacrificing your time, your family and sometimes for not much. Like I said, I don't suggest you do something as drastic as I did. However if you can relate to what I have said, then do something about it. Treat your situation with a sense of urgency. Research your options and begin the process of change. You don't need to get up and quit your job, although more power to you if you do. But you can become aggressive in finding a new job. If you don't try, you will never know. If you don't ask, the answer is always NO and if you don't believe then you will remain in the same place you don't want to be. I had to create chaos in order to reclaim control in my life, and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. I feel empowered and free.....free to be me and pursue the life I was mean to live!