February has been the month of prayer....don't get me wrong, I do tend to pray often, but this month, I have taken to prayer and layed it all on the line. I admitted to my Higher Source and to myself that there are somethings I simply don't know how to do or to handle. Without getting into details I can tell you that emotionally February was a shitty month, and within 2 days from my prayer, the response I received shook me too my core. As I am home recuperating from knee surgery with nothing more to do than complain of pain, I found myself rethinking of the blessings that came from the unwanted. Trust me when I say there was some good that came out of what I thought was a bad situation. This moment of clarity triggered me to go back into prayer and once again with an open heart I layed it all out on the line. Well, its quite easy to pray if all we do is say words with no meaning but GOD knows when your heart is open to His response. So I prayed and went about doing more complaining about my knee. Then I decided to take a warm shower, as I am in the shower my mind reverts to the same complaints I had just prayed about, and my thoughts were going in many directions; I was already thinking of negative outcomes. All of a sudden it happened........"Eileen Shut UP!!!" Yeah, my innerself demanded me to shut up and as I shut up and listened, Eileen said, "You asked GOD to to take care of this right? You told him you would put it in his hands, right? So SHUT UP and let HIM take care of it! Dam, sometimes Eileen can be blunt - lol but she is right! How can I pray to GOD and ask him for guidance and in the next breath doubt that anything can work? It reminds me of Luke 1:19-20 “I am Gabriel, who stand in the presence of God; and I was sent to speak to you, and to bring you this good news. And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things come to pass, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time.” (Luke 1:19-20)
Zachariah, was silened because of his negative thinking, he was doubting the promise of GOD thus he was not to usher more negativity until GOD's promise had come to pass. Here I am praying and asking for GOD's merciful intervention and I am to doubt? No wonder Eileen blew her gasket and bluntly silenced me......she knows my words will impact the blessings that are on the way; she knows that my doubts, my lack of faith will keep me from the answers my heart seeks. When was the last time your innervoice told you to shut up? Come on, you know well that at times there seems to be an internal war going on. GOD gave us our innervoice to keep us on track, to guide us when we seem to lose our way....but better yet, our innervoice is GOD communicating with us, through us. He is speaking in a voice that is familiar to you, your voice. He is telling you, "I heard you and I am present". The problem is that many times we silence Him...we drown out that voice and give in to our fears, to our uncertainty. Look, we will not always have all the answers and there will be things that as strong as we may be, we may not feel strong enough to face on our own. When this is true, it is best to seek help from our Higher Source, it is best to be honest and humble and accept when we need His guidance as we don't know what we don't know. Makes sense? Here I am feeling the pain of my knee and yet feeling overjoyed for being told to SHUT UP! My job right now is not to try to figure out how my issue will be solved, my job right now is to trust that my questions will be answered in due time an in the most perfect and clear way. When we pray, we must pray with an open heart with the understanding that when the answers come to us, these will be in accordance to what we need, not what we want. Understand that GOD has a purpose for us and He will lead us back to the path toward that purpose. "Lord, remove from me the things, people and events that keep me from getting to where I need to be; and bring to me the things, people and events that will help me on my journey toward whee I need to be. AMEN"