Losing Weight….Why it’s important to me?
On December 6th 1968, I was born into this world as a hefty 9 lb. 11 oz. baby….which is actually funny as it was in 1968 that ATT suggested 911 as the Emergency Response #. So to make a long story short, I have dealt with weight issues all my life. I have lost weight, gained it and the problem with constantly losing weight is that our metabolism takes a hit and each time we gain, we gain more than we lost. I have tried all the yo-yo diets I can think of from over the counter, to prescription drugs by my doctor. Yet nothing I did had lasting effects. Thankfully, I have been blessed with great health. I have all my levels in order and not just in order but actually great. Other than problems with my left knee I am in great condition. Therefore for me losing weight is ideal as it will help me maintain my health. Ok so if not for health reasons, why am I so stuck on losing weight? OK here is the truth….as much as I know that my weight does not define me…. I still feel the same rejection I did since I was a little girl. When I was a young girl in Brooklyn I hated going to the gym. I hated having to change into shorts and even more listening to that stupid song, saying, “Go you chicken fat, and go away, Go you chicken fat Gooooo!” I hated that song and it still bothers me. I felt as if it were signaling me out. I also had two bullies in middle school which loved to poke fun at my weight and till this day I remember their first names…..Diane and Elba. I don’t know what ever happened to them, I am sure they are lovely people. However I remember how they made me feel. I wanted to crawl under the desk not to be seen because of them. You may think my parents allowed me to be fat, yet my parents raised two daughters and one was never fat at all. My parents were not big on buying fast food, when they did it was like a celebration because they were old school, meaning you eat home cooked meals. Yet I was bigger than my sister. As I hit puberty that same weight began to shift and now I had big hips, small waist so my body was not looking bad at all. But my arms and legs were still fat and you don’t know how much that bothered me. The torso looked great, but my extremity’s not so much. I kind of got used to my shape and it was what it was. But when I began to have my own kids, the weight began to shift again and it was not as kind. Of course I take responsibility. You see, I could have made better choices, but I didn’t and the weight began to pile up. Years went by, and with an unhappy marriage came the lack of need at least in my mind of caring of my looks. Sad but true. So, here I am finally in my life getting my act together, feeling self-empowered, in charge of my own life. Soon after the divorce I began to shed pounds, a total of 58 lbs. and it was not due to a weight loss program but it was because I was HAPPY. However life does not always go as smooth as we would like it to go and at times I found myself feeling a bit depressed or run down, to make things worse I hurt my knee badly which caused me to slow down and gain 16 lbs. Well, this quickly taught me that despite my progress, I still felt as the little fat girl who hated that stupid song. I had gone from a size 22-24 to a size 16, yet I was seeing myself in the mirror as a size 22-24. Can you relate to this? I am not saying this is good, in fact I know it’s not. Yet it is a reality which I need to deal with. You see weight, is one of my demons. It hurts how I feel about myself and clouds how I see myself in the mirror and in pictures. I had knee surgery on February 25th 2016, and have been healing slowly which is now helping me focus on losing the 16 lbs. which I gained. However to do so, I decided to take part in a 60 day challenge. Why? That’s easy, “Accountability”. You see by doing the 60 day challenge, I will need to share my progress with the group which forces me to stay focused. OK, so you may be thinking, “another program”. I hear ya! I mean I have tried so many and probably same as you have. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed the program and found myself thinking about what to eat and how to cook; which is really new to me. You see, I am Puerto Rican so cooking to me is rich in flavor and oils, high carbs, etc. But now I was almost giddy at planning my meals. I was so proud of what I was cooking that I began to share the meals on social media. Enjoying the program is an amazing feeling because you don’t think of it as dieting. Instead you think of yourself as eating clean…which is what this program is all about. OK so back to my why? After so many years of defining me by my weight, and feeling judged by others…..I decided to be me. And yes, being me meant being at a healthy weight. However a healthy weight is not defined by what society dictates. The size I wear will not be what magazines say is the right size. I am choosing to be healthy at the weight I choose to be. I will be happy being the size in which I feel good and sexy at. You see, my “Why?” is about me DEFINING me. Yes, I know I have work to do, and I know I am not close to my desired weight, but now I know that the only judgement that matters is mine.