I can't tell you when I lost me, it was a long time ago and it was one thought, one word and one step at a time. I must admit now that as I look back; I was really hard at work in losing my essence. I remember years ago, probably a year or two prior to my transformation, I remember staring into the mirror and wondering when I had lost the shine in my eyes. As I stared into my eyes I saw no innocence, no joy, no hope, the light was gone. Yet even as I stared closely, I was unable to recognize it was me who had lost myself.
Thinking back, its a waste of time trying to pinpoint the exact moment, what matters is what I choose to do going forward. And this I learned in a moment back in 2011. when I came face to face with my demons, when I finally realized I was too far for the reach of those who loved me. Do you know this feeling? Well, I know it too well and I am thankful that I do, because I now see the difference of where I was and where I am today. It took what seems to be a life time to lose myself yet it took minutes to find me. Come again, what did you say? Yes, I said, I found myself in a few minutes or better yet a few moments. You see, I had reached that moment in which I could not fall any deeper, I had no where to go but up, but how? Well, I did not know how I would head upward, I just knew I was not going to stay where I was and continue to wallow in self pity. I was sick and tired of feeling down, I was sick and tired of feeling defeated and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know you know what I mean, because many of us have felt this way in our lives. So in one moment I simply decided I had enough of my situation and I was committed to doing something, anything to get me out of there. I was no longer going to feel sorry for me, or excuse my lack of action. I was no longer going to accept my fears as my truth and I was not going to follow the idea of anyone else. I was going to reclaim control over me and nurture myself into health. Health; Was I sick? Well physically, NO! Yet my spirit was broken and if left unchecked it could and would take a toll on my health and well being. I was done with feeling this way and I could feel my inner-being emerge from within ready to control the situation and re-define me. Think of redefining me as a complete overhaul. Have u watched those car shows, how they dismantle them and put them together looking better than ever? As they are in the project, questions arise, challenges emerge yet the cars come together nicely and the outcome is amazing.
Well this renewed commitment from within meant I was going to challenge all I thought I knew, and I would work to make myself better and stronger. I was in a fight for my life, and this time I was clear on my why. How did not matter, because my "why" was going to see me through. If any of this makes sense to you, then you need to understand that you are who defines you. You do so by the thoughts you choose to entertain, the words you choose to speak and the actions you choose to take or not. Every choice you make will define you, therefore think of this and let it sink in; "You define You therefore make your choices count and be open to discovering the best part of yourself, your true essence"