Dancing With the Devil (teaser)

Dancing With The Devil”; what a crazy thought! Well, when I share with you my experiences you will understand why I describe it in such a manner. As a young girl I loved dancing. During our road trips I would stare out the window into the depths of the open road and as the car continued its journey, I would imagine myself dancing flawlessly. As a kid I was an insecure, overly shy, fat kid. Therefore, that vision of myself dancing freely and effortlessly made me feel special and during those moments of vision I felt strong and in control of myself. Dancing to me was beautiful, graceful and exotic; this is why the thought of this dark dance with such seduction being equal to the feeling of dancing gracefully was disturbing. How could I cringe at a thought which also brings me joy? I don’t know why or how this is possible, but somehow this is how I visualized it. You see I don’t think negativity always comes to us in an ugly package, if it did we’d all run the other way or return the package to sender. Negativity many times comes disguised as that which we want, it entices us at first and slowly takes over our lives. We take it in, admire it, and at times we are grateful for its appearance into our lives, until one day we realize this package was not what we thought it would be, and we find ourselves feeling trapped.

Despite the title of "Dancing With the Devil”, this book is not about religion. Although I am a believer, I consider myself an unconventional Christian. I will not attempt to convince you of the existence of God or the Devil but I will share with you my story, my journey and yes, the beliefs and actions which have helped me till this point in my life. As you read my words I encourage you to interpret them through your own experiences as I know that we have similar needs and wants yet we come from different walks of life. Therefore, things are not black and white and there is no one size fits all solution to our problems. I can’t see God or the Devil nor am I looking to do so anytime soon. So, I think of God as light, as positive energy while I think of the Devil as darkness and negative energy. And as sick as it might sound to some, I think we need both energies in our lives in order to reach our highest potential. After all some of the best inventions and changes in life stem from chaos; therefore, negativity can be a great source of energy to propel us in our journey out of the mess we find ourselves in. Trust me when I say, chaos has been essential in me changing course in my life.

Why the title, “Dancing With The Devil”? As much as I do not like to envision it, I feel that when we allow our troubles to get the best of us, we become entranced and we begin to slowly move into this darkness which consumes us. I believe this negative force is lurking, waiting for us to be at our most vulnerable moment and slowly gravitates towards us, whispering words of despair, hurt, and fear while it gently embraces us. We feel so broken by pain and paralyzed by fear that we become unable to think clearly and analyze our current situation, leaving us vulnerable to this dance. In its arms we begin to sway slowly, moving deeper and deeper towards our darkness. It tightens its grip while it continues to whisper the words of sorrow into our hearts. The more pain we feel, the weaker we become and the more entranced we become in this dreadful dance. This thought might be uncomfortable to some, and that is fine. I want you to feel uncomfortable because it’s time we wake up. For those of you who claim to believe in God and in his goodness, I am here to tell you that if you truly believe then you will choose to walk in faith. You will choose to trust in your potential. You will choose to push yourself further and you will choose to rise above each fall. You will do so because you know that you are a child of a living God and He did not intend you to live a life feeling broken. After all what good are you and I to God if we are broken? We must be strong enough to turn those tests into our testimonies and to do so, we must be willing to rise above all the chaos that surrounds us. If you don’t believe in God don’t worry this book is still for you. You still understand positivity and negativity, right? Of course, you do, and you understand that when we feel as failures we can’t find a path towards better. When we understand that we have potential within us and when we feel empowered to doing more despite not knowing how, that negative energy surrounding us will be engulfed by the positive energy emitting from our thoughts. This does not mean we will never fear, it just means we will be in a place of strength which will allow us to choose to strive for better.

I know that the thought of this dance with the Devil may be unsettling and you may be tempted to draw premature assumptions. Yet I will ask you not to be quick to judge, instead be open to the message as through my words you will find a message of hope and light.

We can’t hide from our problems, but we can choose how to face them We may be willed onto the dance floor, but we can choose

if to or with whom we dance!

Let’s be real, the Devil never invited me to dance. I was never summoned to the dance floor; instead he whispered into my ears words of weakness, words of fear, words of defeat and like in a trance, I fell tighter and tighter into his grip and into this dance.

Eileen Gonzalez

To be published in 2018 - stay tuned for details