Some of you might not believe in GOD or the Devil and I honestly don’t care, not trying to convince you otherwise. But I do believe with every fiber in my body! I believe that we have voices in our head, good and bad and both attack at once to steer us in a certain direction. Ultimately it will be the voice we gravitate towards the most that will win. This morning was a bad morning, I woke up feeling down and the Devil had been waiting for today. He’d been lurking around, watching me, and waiting for the fall, and here he was ready to pounce. I was so sad that I became silent, to the point my daughter apologized for anything she had done because she felt the tense silence. You know that eerie silence which deafens you, it penetrates your soul and without one word, it can tell a story of sorrow? Others may not know the cause but they can sense your pain. Well, let’s get to the voices in my head….very entertaining.
So I was driving to work and the Devil gently sat on my shoulder, gets really close to my ear, you can almost taste his breath, he mockingly whispers, “So Eileen, how you feeling today? Anything happen lately?” I felt my soul sink and I began to hold in my tears. “Oh Honey, what’s the matter, feeling lonely? How’s that job? How’s that boyfriend? Oh wait, how are your kids? Hahaha I guess someone is feeling a bit overwhelmed ha! Oh, how’s that book? Shall we Dance?” At this point I had nothing to say to him, I had no snappy comebacks, I simply felt drained. So I said, “OK GOD, where are you? I can’t deal with him right now and you know my shit…….I got A and B and both are too much to handle so I need some help”. I fell back into silence as a tear ran down my cheek, and then I asked, “Where do I go from here?” OK so for you non-believers here is where the conversation got good. GOD, “Where from here you ask?”
Me, “You know A and B, you know what I am going through and I don’t know how to handle either?”
GOD, “You don’t? But aren’t you Eileen the one that Jumps?” Me, “This is different, I can’t jump right now, I have responsibilities”? GOD, “Haven’t you always had responsibilities? What’s different now? Me, “It’s not the same, I am older and everything requires me to start over? GOD, “And is that not good?” Me, “Sure, Yes, I guess, but how?” GOD, “Think!” Me, “Seriously GOD, that’s all you got? Why do you think I’m talking to you?” GOD, “Cause you’re scared and because you’re tired but from here I see your brain perfectly functioning so THINK” Me, “This is so frustrating, I am thinking and I am coming to you cause that asshole is making too much noise in my head” GOD, “Can you hear him now? I only hear you and me! Have you not realized yet that when you hold my hand, I squeeze it firmly? Have you ever not called my name in your sleep and felt peace in your heart?” Me, “Yes and this is why I need you now” GOD, “Focus on You, Push yourself towards all that you want and deal with everything as it comes. Be faithful and steady on your course and you will find the change you need” Me, “But what if the change I think I need is not the right change?” GOD, “Why are you focused on the change you want and not on the change you need? Be open to change and let me guide you towards all that you need” Have you noticed, there are no more tears?” Me, “I guess, I am just so tired!” GOD, “Yes you are, but you need to stop trying to fix your surroundings and focus on you. Be the person you love to be and keep helping those around you, it makes you happy because it’s who you’re supposed to be” Me, “But what do I do with all these emotions?” GOD, “Focus on you, and everything will fall in place” I arrived at work with not many answers and not feeling great either, but I knew that the voice of the Devil had completely drowned out the moment I invoked GOD. When we talk to GOD he is not going to make our lives better or take away our problems, but he will give us CLARITY. Not everything can be solved with ease but when we keep moving forward things begin to fall in place. And some things have to fall out of place so that we can see that something else belonged there. Chaos is part of creation, did you know that? At times we find ourselves in the midst of chaos and we don’t know the hec to do, but it is in the moments of chaos in which we will make decisions that matter. We will give in to fear and wait to be rescued or we will rise up within that fire and we will emerge defiant and ready for battle. We have two main voices in our head, one is pure evil and wants to kick us when we’re down. The other is goodness and light and it comes to lead us in the path towards truth and victory. Pay attention and recognize which voice you’re gravitating towards.