Love….. I am no expert on love, trust me. If you want to understand relationships, the only thing I can really tell you is to ‘communicate”. And if I had all the answers I’d probably be in a relationship or simply choose to do without. LOL, but here is my take on love and this is from the heart. Love can make us stupid, yup, I said it. I believe that we, especially women have an ability to love in extraordinary proportions. Of course, I am not ignorant to the exceptions LOL, but let’s talk about the norm. Women have a capacity to protect, its in their nature. When they love their partners, spouses, children, family and friends they nurture and protect. They can talk trash about one of their loved ones but the moment anyone agrees with a negative statement, their “protective radar” goes off and they will take out whomever is against their loved ones. I exaggerated on the “take out” part but you get where I am going. They can say it, but you can’t! But before I go on, I want to make sure I don’t leave our men out, I know men can love deeply as well and they too want nothing more than to protect their loved ones. We might love differently, communicate differently but down deep inside, love makes stupid out of each of us. So, no male bashing here!
Love makes us stupid because sometimes we want to believe in chances, we want to believe or hope for the best and at times when we do, we lose ourselves. We end up sacrificing a lot for an emotion we may never fully experience. Wait, “If I feel love how can I not fully experience it?” Well, its simple in order to fully experience it we must know what it feels to be loved just as much as we love. Love is an emotion that has the ability to make us dream, we envision a life and we want to pursue it and achieve it. But that emotion can be an illusive sucker, and that is because we get caught up in this cloud which is really smoke but we don’t realize it until we are chocking on it. This is why communication is so important but communication is a two-way street. If one is sharing everything but the other isn’t then communication does not work. But I get it, especially when couples attempt relationships in their older years, there’s a lot of crap we simply would like to forget, not share. But unfortunately, we are a product of all our experiences. We can’t pick and choose. I mean, we can choose how to define ourselves going forward but we can’t pretend that how we choose to move won't be in some way influenced by those experiences we sometimes wish we could forget. This is why communication is so important. Whomever you let in, should love you for all your experiences and they should help celebrate the person you’ve chosen to be. Open communication will take that relationship to higher level, and let’s face it, if someone can’t deal with your past, they might not belong in your future. We as individuals should never define ourselves by our past mistakes, we should define ourselves by the choices we make today, therefore if we are bringing in a partner that will keep holding us to our past then they simply are not going to help us walk this amazing journey to our future. If we choose to not open up due to fear of rejection or shame then we are cheating ourselves out of a potential great relationship. One that can help us grow into our best version of ourselves. Did you read as I said, “help us”? We can become better alone but we can get there quicker when we have someone cheering us along the way and isn’t that what love is about? If I love you, then I love all of you, the good and the not so good. Of course, I am Eileen and my life experiences and choices I’ve made make me look at individuals with a less judgement eye but I think this can be true for most. We want to know all about those we love because that is how we are able to know what we can do to help. But help is not about fixing someone’s life. Its about supporting each other, extending our hand when needed and being that shoulder to cry or lean on when we don’t know what to do. It’s about knowing what that silence means, and being able to interpret someone’s fear and pain without needing words. To me, its simple, “communicate, let them in”. Your ugliness might not seem as ugly to someone who loves you, it just makes you human. Your mistakes might give someone else the permission they need to speak about their own mistakes. Love makes us stupid but even in our stupidity we can become strong and we do so in the name of love. Have you ever read that a woman can become a man’s weakness and a man can become her strength? It’s an even exchange, they need each other, feed off each other and together are capable of creating a new path in which both can thrive. Now, enough with the “love makes us stupid." After all I’ve realized that I rather have loved and lost than not know what love feels like. I am thankful for every experience even those I can’t understand because I am better for all of it. And here is something else I’ve learned. We can’t say, “I will never” because life is funny. The truth is at the time of our pain, we are thinking, speaking and acting out of pain. But God or the Universe has plans for us and we only know what we know. Assumptions come from not knowing, again “lack of communication”. But making decisions based on assumptions is like heading out on a road trip with a paper map with faded lines or an outdated GPS. You are hoping you’re on the right track but the truth is you just don’t know. Learn to communicate, let people in. Let them know the real you because no matter what your past was, you deserve to be accepted and loved for who you are. And who you are is not who you were, its who you choose to be and hopefully you’ve decided to be the best version of you, which is true to YOU. Open up and those who deserve to be in your life, be your lover, your friend and your confidant will join you on your journey of life. That’s my take on love. - Eileen Gonzalez Writer and Author of "Dancing With the Devil"